Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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