Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And then my night got REAL pukey
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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