happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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