What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
