Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
