Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
