My liver just broke up with me...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
