i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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