I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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