Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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