Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
