If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
