i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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