My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
