On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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