There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
