I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
