Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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