Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
honey bunches of taint.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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