I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize