How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
