I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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