Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Is it penis luge time yet?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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