If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
