dude i'm inner monologue high
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
