Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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