your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
