new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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