You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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