is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize