It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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