your parents love me but you hate me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
