I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
