Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The uberlube is also flammable
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
