On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
