Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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