went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
