Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
