i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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