if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
