I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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