I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
