Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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