I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
