He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
