my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize