Having a random hookup so left but love u
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
