I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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