alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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