Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
