Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he thought i was a dude.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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