This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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