I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
