I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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