We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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