This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
