I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
