I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
