Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
