'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
