the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
