No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
