but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
