guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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