Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
