New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
