i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
