I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize